When should you use tú vs usted?
By Mert Yerekapan · Updated
Use tú for friends, family, people your own age and kids. Use usted for older people you don't know, formal situations and anyone you want to treat with extra respect. Both mean "you". ¿Cómo estás? is how you'd ask a friend, and ¿Cómo está usted? is how you'd ask a stranger or someone in authority.
What changes in the sentence
Usted takes the third-person verb form, the same one as él and ella. That's the only grammar difference.
| Informal (tú) | Formal (usted) | |
|---|---|---|
| How are you? | ¿Cómo estás? | ¿Cómo está? |
| Do you want coffee? | ¿Quieres café? | ¿Quiere café? |
| Your name | ¿Cómo te llamas? | ¿Cómo se llama? |
| Your things | tu casa | su casa |
| Pronoun for "to you" | te | le / lo / la |
Notice that usted is often dropped, just like tú is. ¿Quiere café? is already formal without the pronoun.
When to use usted
- Strangers who are clearly older than you, such as an elderly neighbor or a taxi driver
- Formal or professional settings: a doctor's office, a bank, a job interview
- Customer service: waiters, shop staff and receptionists often use it with customers
- Showing respect to family elders in some regions, even grandparents or in-laws
- Anyone who uses it with you. If someone says usted, it's polite to reply the same way until they say otherwise.
When to use tú
- Friends, classmates and coworkers around your age
- Kids and teenagers
- Most people in casual, young or online settings
- Anyone who says puedes tutearme (you can call me tú)
It depends on the country
This varies by region, and I'd treat it as a rough guide, not a rule:
- Spain leans informal. Many people use tú with almost everyone, including shop staff.
- Colombia is known for using usted even with friends, family and sometimes among partners. Don't read it as cold.
- Costa Rica and parts of Colombia use usted quite widely among friends.
- Argentina, Uruguay and some other places use vos instead of tú, which is its own system.
- Mexico is somewhere in the middle: tú with peers, usted with older or senior people.
What if I choose wrong?
Nobody will be offended if you use the wrong one by accident. Using tú with an older stranger might come across as a bit casual, and using usted with a friend might feel stiff or funny, but both get a smile from people who can tell you're learning.
If you're unsure, start with usted and let them tell you to switch. It's the safe choice. You'll hear ¿Nos tuteamos? (Shall we use tú?) or Tutéame, por favor (Call me tú, please). For the Spain-specific plural form, see do I need to learn vosotros.
The easiest way to get a feel for who uses which is to hear it in dialogue. Short stories do that well, and Langtok, the app I built, lets you tap any word in a story if the verb ending throws you.